Is Mike Gatting an Australian double agent?
I thought I had exhausted the “counties sign Aussies” debate with my post yesterday, until I read a news item in the May issue of The Wisden Cricketer. Innocently titled “Aussies split England ahead of Ashes” (when do they not?), it however hinted at the secret scandal that will surely rock cricket – Mike Gatting is an Australian double agent. Attempts at a cover-up are underway, but this intrepid investigator is on the case.
Gatting’s, apparently, “oversees the first-class and recreational game on behalf of the ECB”, and is rumoured to have been responsible for warning the counties off signing Aussies before the Ashes – something similar to which occurred in 2005.
I shall summarise with the following two quotes from the same article, firstly from Kent chief executive Paul Millman:
If we had had discussions with the ECB in advance of all this, we might have had more of a clue about the way to go about it. We work very closely with the England management on a number of issues and nothing was said.
Translation:
The ECB didn’t say anything to anyone, alright? We knew what they really wanted all along, but as they didn’t actually come and tell us we decided to go ahead anyway.
Then there’s this quote from Gatting, on being asked about the rumour:
I’d rather not say anything about that. Whether that chat took place is neither here nor there because we know the counties are at liberty to sign who they want.
Which sounds suspiciously as if what he actually meant was:
Ok, ok, so I should have done it and I didn’t. But I don’t want to talk about it in case I am made to look stupid and incompetent, so just leave me alone. And anyway, those pesky counties wouldn’t listen even if I had done it, so there.
But, is GCW the only one here to smell a rat? Surely something so important wouldn’t simply be forgotten. Has Cricket Australia manage to buy Gatting’s silence? Was he blackmailed by Ricky Ponting over dinner? Was the real Mike Gatting abducted by Tim Nielsen and replaced with a doppleganger? I shall be investigating further, although I suspect we may never know.
Kent have seemingly been let off the hook after Stuart Clark was called up by Australia, leaving a distinctly Middlesex flavour to this whole sorry affair. However, I suspect that the Aussies, sensing that someone was onto their ruse, are desparately attempting to cover their tracks. This is the only explanation for this unexpected turn of events.
Of course, it could all be a ruse to ensure that Hughes is left tired and jaded by the endless county carousel by the time the Ashes begins, rendering him ready to buckle at the first sign of English pressure. That is to say at 4-0 down in the 5th test.
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