The Ashes: 2nd Test preview

The 2nd Test is here already. We’ve only just got our breath back. Can England improve or will it be more of the same?

England

Monty, now a batting all-rounder, will be replaced by either Onions or Harmison.  Flintoff, who injured his knee by pummelling it repeatedly with his fist while Monty was batting, may be replaced by either Harmison or Onions if he doesn’t recover.  Or Ian Bell if the selectors are frightened (they’d have to be, it’s the only way he’ll get a game).  Stuart Broad may be replaced by a Durham paceman (not Liam Plunkett) until he can grow a beard.

Tactics: randomly scatter cricket balls around Australia’s practice area, strap KPs bat to his left leg, send a 12th man onto the field between every over of their innings.

Australia

Will be unchanged.  May like to consider replacing Mike Hussey with a barn door, safe in the knowledge that England won’t be able to hit it anyway.  And no, before you ask, they didn’t think to bring another proper batsman with them just in case.

Tactics: Slip a chill pill into Punter’s tea, convince Mitchell Johnson he’s in Johannesburg, use proper bowlers when number 11 comes in

Lord’s

The Aussies love it.  England last beat them here when Fred Trueman was knee-high to a yorker.  On the other hand, Glenn McGrath won’t be playing – at Lord’s he was so good that he’d take 4 wickets before England’s openers even made it to the Long Room.

Obligatory comforting 2005 fact

Steve Harmison took 8-97, including 5-43 in the 1st innings.

Prediction

Have the 2005 Ashes highlights DVD handy.  Australia to win.  Man of the match: Simon Katich.

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