Indian cricket’s official scapegoat

Whilst all England was watching Jonathan Trott treat the Only Bangladesh bowlers like a bored teenager might treat a dying frog, India were treating Only Zimbabwe like a caring, sensitive animal lover would.

They found the poor, wounded creature at the side of the road, lovingly picked it up, nestled it into a box filled with straw, gave it some oatmeal to nibble and a plentiful supply of water.

Having decided to send some of their less experienced, slightly more energetic players to the triangular series, they have now lost the 1st match by six wickets.

Actually, Zimbabwe could well have played with vim and vitality, but that’s much less interesting.

At the World Twenty20, India were exposed as off the pace, disinterested (apart from when they were brawling in bars), fat and unfit.

Obviously all of this is Lalit Modi’s fault for throwing daily parties for six weeks and dragging the players to them at gunpoint.

Or it could be Lalit’s fault for scheduling the IPL immediately before the World Twenty20, causing burnout amongst the Indian players, who obviously exerted themselves far more than players from other nations.

Or it could be Lalit’s fault because he created so much hype about the Indian Premier League being the greatest cricket competition the world has ever known.  Players were forced to submit to this subversive thinking through regular indoctrination sessions where they were forced to watch flashing images of cheerleaders, Shah Rukh Khan, Shilpa Shetty and Ravi Shastri.

Or it could be Lalit’s fault because he sold his soul to the devil and fixed the entire IPL whilst trousering the cash.  The emotional and moral maelstrom has sent Indian cricketers into an introverted state leading to de-motivation and poor performance.

Or it could be Lalit’s fault because the BCCI have had to bring in the senior players to help read through his 15,000 page reply to the show-cause notice.  This is the real reason why a weakened squad has been sent.

Or it could be Lalit’s fault because he introduced Sachin to Twitter and nobody has seen the Little Master since.

Whatever the reason, I’m pretty sure the BCCI will find some way to pin the blame on Modi.  It won’t be because the players are lazy and arrogant and don’t put enough effort into training, it won’t be because they aren’t quite the world beaters we are told they are, and it certainly won’t be because the BCCI have been so fixated on money themselves that they have forgotten about that irritating sideline known to you and I as “cricket”.

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