Giles Clarke & the meaning of lunch
The next round of the schoolyard slugfest between Giles Clarke and Lalit Modi has kicked off with the latter’s official response to the 2nd BCCI Show/Cause notice, in which he accuses Clarke of attacking him out of personal motive.
So far this story is attracting minimal interest from the UK media. First, the location of Theo Walcott’s summer holidays are far more important than the potential destruction of our summer sport. Second, anything to do with the IPL is unclean, contaminated by the combined stains of cheerleaders, movie stars and nighttime parties.
At the moment coverage is only of the regurgitation variety, and in no way proffers anything that might possibly be quoted out of context and construed as allegedly voicing an opinion (not that of the publishers, obviously).
Fortunately bloggers like me can’t afford lawyers, hate lily-livered words like alleged, and enjoy being sued for libel because it makes us feel important.
The basis of the whole wrangle is that Clarke has accused Modi of plotting with the counties to hijack English cricket. Modi says that he merely outlined IPL business theory over an impromptu lunch.
The counties had previously responded to the accusations against them with a denial, saying they were on a fact finding mission.
The key to decoding all of this is the interpretation of the importance of lunch.
County executives always have lunch when they are about to make important decisions. That post-lunch lethargy effect deadens the brain and is essential to the decision making process.
When Clarke read in Stewart Regan’s email that the meeting with Modi was at lunchtime, he instantly recognised the significance of the timing.
Modi is relying on the BCCI being ignorant of this culture as he tries to wriggle himself free of the mess.
The timing of the meeting also undermines the counties’ fact-finding claim. County fact finding is always done before lunch so that the post-lunch lethargy effect can subsequently wipe their memories clean.
Correct responses to a question about franchise revenue distribution in this situation would include
20% hand-carved ham and poached eggs with a rich lemon-butter sauce per annum
or possibly
a breakdown of revenues commensurate with a selection of cheeses, savoury biscuits and fine French pâté
or even
gin and tonic in the 1st quarter, growing to fine port before the end of the financial year
Clarke himself followed this protocol. On finding the Regan email in his inbox, he devoted the rest of the morning to analysing it and making a few calls to check some facts. He followed this with Chicken Caesar Salad and an expensive bottle of white at his favourite eatery and then sat down to compose his email to the BCCI in the afternoon.
So it’s easy to understand why Modi and the BCCI differ on their interpretation of all this.
Modi is hoping to convince BCCI of Giles Clarke’s personal vendetta against him by referring to a 2008 meeting where the ECB chief used his left hand to eat the naan bread offered to him by the IPL Chairman & Overlord (suspended). This was around the time that Clarke was enjoying a series of lunches with Allen Stanford that ranged in rating from “jolly nice” to “jolly good”.
The rest of Modi’s defence against the BCCI Show/Cause onslaught is constructed upon those twin pillars of the school playground dispute – “I know you are but what am I?” and “Giles Clarke smells of poo”.
Combine that with a talent for “yeah but no but” that would shame Vicky Pollard, and you have a fearsome defense that the BCCI will do well to break down. He even uses subheadings.
Modi is responding to Show/Cause with Shock & Awe, while Giles Clarke has progressed no further than Show & Tell.
Meanwhile there have also been reports of illegal payments being made between Deccan Chargers and their players that broke IPL wage cap regulations. Investigators are checking to see if the team really does employ a dancing girl named Andrew Symonds, as was listed on tax documents.
Footnotes
[1] – Cover image for this post was sourced from Wikimedia
[2] – A full copy of Lalit Modi’s reply to the BCCI can be found here
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