Brett Lee - evil

Here is a list of things that Brett Lee likes to do in his spare time, in no particular order:

• Tear the heads off of children’s teddy bears
• Laugh uncontrollably whenever he sees people fall over
• Dive into parking spaces just ahead of other drivers who got there first
• Send people to the wrong end of town when they ask for directions
• Engage English people he’s never met in conversation whilst on public transport
• Shatter the dreams of small island nations just when they had dared to believe

Brett Lee is an evil, evil man.  If he were a bus driver he would slam the door in your face and drive off laughing.

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Mark Ramprakash and Justin Langer are not going to be playing at Edgbaston, regardless of media hype.  Here is a list of nine players who did manage to make a comeback during an Ashes series:

1. Wilfred Rhodes – In the 5th Test at The Oval, with the previous four matches drawn, England turned to an almost 49 year old cricketing legend.  Rhodes promptly took 6 wickets, including 4/44 as Australia were bundled out for 125 in their second innings to give England the Ashes.
2. Cyril Washbrook – 1956 was England’s summer of comebacks, and it began in the 3rd Test at Headingley.  Cyril Washbrook, aged 41, was a selector who took the responsibility upon himself.  When he walked to the wicket on the first morning, England were 17/3.  Washbrook scored 98 and enjoyed a big partnership with Peter May to rescue the situation.  Laker and Lock did the rest in an innings victory.
3. Denis Compton – For the 5th Test of the same series at the Oval, Denis Compton came back into the team.  Compton was 38 and, the previous winter, had had a knee-cap removed.  Again England were stuttering, this time at 66/3, when Compton came in at number 5.  He scored 94, England’s highest score out of a total of 247, and 35 not out in a drawn Test.
4. Colin Cowdrey – Lillee and Thomson terrified England in 1974/5, but Cowdrey at 42 played them as well as anyone.  He had not played in Tests for three years, and whilst he did not score a mountain of runs his courage won him plaudits galore.
5. Geoff Boycott – Having been out of the team for three years by choice, Boycott ended his exile in 1977 for the 3rd Ashes Test at Trent Bridge.  And he scored the small matter of 107 and 80 not out as England won comfortably by seven wickets.
6. Ray Lindwall – Another player to return after three years out of Test cricket, Lindwall was drafted back in to Australia’s team in 1958/9 to open the bowling.  At 37 Lindwall was not the tearaway England once feared, but he was canny enough to take 7 wickets in two matches as Australia won the Ashes for the first time since 1950/51.
7. Charles Macartney – Eight years out of Test cricket for Macartney, although this did include the 1st World War.  He played two Tests at Sydney in 1920/21, scoring 170 in the 2nd of those matches.  Five further Test centuries followed, the last in 1926 at Old Trafford.
8. Craig McDermott – McDermott was injury prone, but on returning to the Australian team during the 1990/91 Ashes, he made a devastating impact, taking 18 wickets in two Tests including 5/97 at Adelaide and 8/97 at Perth.
9. Bruce Reid – Another injury prone bowler who spent two years out of the team.  Reid played four Tests in 1990/91 and took 27 wickets, including a Test best 13/148 at Melbourne.

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I had this post planned anyway, but the defeat by Holland in the World Twenty20 adds context and relevance.  Yesterdays result should act as a huge wakeup call and a slap in the face with a wet kipper for all of English cricket.  Likely it will not.  Here is why:

1. The Counties – 18 members clubs which have far too much say in how English cricket is run.  They have created a cosy environment in which they can look after their own interests and protect their traditional setup.  To them, international cricket is essentially nothing more than a cheque book to prop up their paltry commercial efforts.
2. The ECB – In recent years, the ECB has moved away from the progressive policies that were in place 8-10 years ago and returned to the malaise that had afflicted their thinking in previous decades.  Nowadays, short-term revenue is the name of the game, and weak management ensures that English cricket continues to bumble along.  Their handling of the TV rights is a case in point, with virtually no coverage on free-to-air networks.  The World T20 highlights are shown on BBC late at night, presumably so as to ensure that kids can’t watch it.
3. The mentality – English cricket continues to struggle with its place in the game: it would like to feel as if it were still the most important nation in cricket, whereas in reality those days have long gone.  Those who say that world cricket needs a strong England team need to realise that they haven’t been consistently competitive for decades.
4. The Flintoff effect – Previously known as the Botham effect.  A peculiar situation arises that when the England team can boast one or two superstars, English cricket hits the snooze button and rests ignorantly upon its laurels.  Later, the realisation that they are going backwards comes too late for it to be arrested easily.  The result?  Years of on-field underachievement and incompetence.
5. The domestic competitions – As a result of 1 and 2 above, the domestic competitions are setup primarily to squeeze out as much money as possible.  They are not geared to producing top-class English cricketers, as evidenced by the sheer number of matches being played.  Schedules often see, say, Sussex travelling to Durham for a one-day match, and then hosting Durham at home a couple of days later.  Players are little more than workhorses, who are not allowed to develop into thoroughbreds.
6. Test cricket – To the English, test cricket is pretty much the be-all-and-end-all.  Limited-overs cricket might fill the coffers, but we do not view success in these formats as being particularly important.  Since the 1992 World Cup, England have barely registered in terms of 50-over cricket even when the test team has been successful.  In Twenty20 England, having introduced the format only six years ago, have already fallen behind all of the other major nations, and now some of the associates as well.
7. The players – Assisted by 5 and 6, many players are little more than jobsworths, just doing enough to keep their places until such time as they are awarded their benefit by their county (another outdated system).  There is little by way of innovation, which can often be treated with suspicion, and a lack of drive and ambition.

Of course, there is nothing here that hasn’t been said a thousand times already, but we shall have to keep swimming against the tide until the message hits home.

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The IPL is cricket’s current big story.  It is everywhere, be it tales of glitz and glamour, reports of players, coaches and captains or stories about the move from India to South Africa.

Personally, I couldn’t give a hoot.  Here are seven reasons why:

1. Plasticity – The IPL is the cricketing equivalent of those people who have so much cosmetic surgery that it becomes hard to spot the remaining “original” bits amongst the plastic.  Ultimately, the exterior may have a form of beauty, but the interior is pig-ugly.  I am not interest in the celebrity of it all, nor can I be bothered with cheerleaders or loud music in between the action.  I am interested in Cricket.
2. Money – Sport is should be about the contest, the battle of wills, one player’s ability pitted against the next.  The IPL is built around, and based upon, money and the gathering of it.  I have no problem with players earning a lot of money for their skills, but there comes a point where you have to say “too much”.  When a player is signed up for a team for two weeks, and has no involvement beyond that, the amount of personal satisfaction they can gain is limited to personal achievement rather than that of team success.  The rest is about money.
3. Protectionism – The IPL is aggressive to a point of being psychotic.  It is one thing to protect your business interests, but quite another to actively attempt to destroy the careers of players who engage with the opposition.  By classing the ICL as a “rebel” competition, the IPL and the BCCI have created themselves a smokescreen to use as justification for their actions.  Lately, their vendetta has expanded to include the media activities of current or former ICL players.
4. Meaning – Unless you are from a city in India that boasts an IPL franchise, it is difficult to find a reason to take an interest in any given team.  Is it because of the players that make up that team?  Is it due to the team colours?  Is there some other connection with that team, such as a holiday destination?  For me, there is none of these reasons to encourage me to follow any IPL team.
5. Format – Twenty20 is not a format that especially inspires me.  I like the strategy of a four or five day match, the ebb and flow and the almost limitless possibilities for surprise.  Twenty20, whilst not without its excitement, is all about big hits and fast runs.  This might test a players technical skills, but it does less to examine their mental strength or skills or endurance and concentration.  Imagine if FIFA decided that for the next World Cup they would skip the boredom of ninety minutes and just have penalty shoot-outs instead.  That is what T20 is to me.
6. Sensationalism – Twenty20, and the IPL in particular, embodies that 21st century fad of sensationalism – the idea that gratification can only come from having our senses bombarded with bright flashing lights.  In reality, and sorry to sound overly philosophical here, true enjoyment in a sporting sense comes from the opposite.  Cricket is at its best when it is pared down to the battle between bat and ball – in other words, a minimalistic contest reduced to the fundamentals.
7. History – I like my sports to have history and tradition.  I like to think about who the best players have been over the decades.  I like to see records broken, milestones achieved.  The IPL has one season to fall back on in this regard.  Admittedly, all sporting contests have to start somewhere, but as far as I am concerned it is not the same.

Credit must be given where it is due to the IPL and it’s creators for spotting an opportunity and taking advantage of it.  But, that said, it is still not for me.

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The first in a series of cricket lists

We all have different things we love about cricket.  Some love the glitz and crash-bang-wallop of Twenty20.  Others prefer5-day test matches that examine the participants in every way possible.  Whatever they may be, they shape our love of the game.  We may not witness all of them very often, or even any of them in a single match, but when they happen it makes the wait worthwhile.

So here is a list of things that keep me coming back for more, in no particular order:

1. A fired up fast bowler; destroying the opposition in a single spell, no batsman can stand before him.  He is the epitome of aggression, you can almost see him foaming at the mouth.
2. The mental battle; sometimes a great technique just isn’t enough, when adversity is at hand those players who get their heads down and tough it out, no matter what.
3. The tension; when all results are possible on the final day, and the winners identity suddenly seems meaningless, inconsequential.
4. Attacking spin bowling; with close fielders crowding the bat, suddenly even the most free-flowing batsman can become a gibbering wreck in the face of the twirlers probing and scheming.
5. Controversy; moan all day long, but still can’t get enough of it.  Those moments that are still talked about decades later.
6. When the tail wags; because sometimes the batsmen need bringing down a peg or two, and the bowlers show them how it’s done.
7. Surprises; When nothing happens for two hours, and then we see something incredible.  When the underdog becomes the master.  When that journeyman suddenly becomes a world-beater.  When the world-beater is rendered flawed and vulnerable.
8. Statistics and records; king like in no other sport – imagine if Pele’s every touch of the ball were recorded for posterity.  The scorer is the hidden hero of this sport, without whom my enjoyment would be diminished.
9. History; talking, reading, writing about players who retired long before I was even born.  To imagine is a wonderful thing.
10. Contrasts; that a sport can be in turns both genteel or brutal, defensive or attacking, hare or tortoise, tragedy or comedy, waltz or salsa.

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