Dream Teams: The Peter Borren XI

The second in the Dream Teams series comes from Josh Taylor, Hampshire fan and co-founder of Clear Cricket. You can also follow him on Twitter.

It is safe to say that this XI is not based upon stats, or upon consistent star performances and bountiful media attention. Rather it is an appreciation of those who, with bat and with ball, can produce the goods occasionally and win the hearts of a few. They’re probably also my favourite 11 allrounders. A few liberties have been taken so that the XI sort of resembles the make-up of a normal team, and there is of course a compulsory Hampshire bias.

Mohammed Hafeez – In the words of a Pakistani supporter Hafeez is a serial criminal in converting set scores. This inability to play the big innings endears himself to me in a sadistic fashion. You won’t see a much more correct batting technique though, and amongst the desperate slogs of a T20, a Hafeez cover drive is like a crisp, cloudless dawn in the Rockies.
Brendan Taylor (wk) – His ability to frustrate his own loyal fans books Taylor’s place in this XI. A bitter disappointment whenever that rare chance to watch him on TV presents itself, he has that common trait amongst the XI of showing that something is there but it is forever being overshadowed by an ugly hoick. Being a one man wrecking ball against Australia helps, too.
Paul Stirling – The youngster of the XI, Stirling mixes monster hitting with terrible innings to a satisfactory level. Seems to offer more with the ball than with the bat in the big games, and struggles to replicate the performances at county level, bizarrely. Stirling’s star will rise to a level that disqualifies him from this XI but for now he is deliciously unpredictable.
Sean Ervine – Viewed by some as a talentless slogger and by others as an international class allrounder, “Slug” is capable of satisfying both camps in a single match. His ability to turn games and win them nearly loses him his place in the XI but it is secured by his ghastly bowling – the perfect pressure release for any batting side under the cosh.
Mahmudullah – Like Hafeez, Mahmudullah is the sort of guy you just want in your team. In danger of becoming a specialist batsman after moving from 8 to the middle order for Bangladesh and doing well, he is unassuming, quietly spoken and bloomin’ talented. Mahmudullah just won’t let you down. If he wasn’t a cricketer he’d probably be a housewife.
Dan Christian – To put it simply, God. Despite the name of the XI, ‘DC’ was the inspiration for this team. Christian’s elegance and timing were cruelly robbed from him as a child. He was also born with a melon for a head. The nearly million dollar man can hit 80 from 56 balls then take 4-38 as easily as he can get a 5th ball duck and bowl 0-70 from 8 overs. As I said, God.
Luke Butterworth – A late entry into the pantheon of my ‘allrounders’. Butterworth came to my attention this past winter by ending up joint highest wicket taker in the Sheffield Shield and annoying the hell out of a friend from NSW. Only being able to follow the Aussie domestic season on Cricinfo further romanticised his escapades. Pleasingly he was terrible recently for Scotland on TV.
Peter Borren (C) – What can I say? Forget Ryan ten Doeschate, the Dutch would be unknowns if it wasn’t for this adopted son. A press conference tart in the WC, the “Borronator™” holds the enviable skill to mention Eden Gardens and sausage and mash in the same tweet. Oh, he can bat and bowl (56* from 37 and 8-2-29-3 versus Derbyshire in the CB40), too. Captain by default as well. Legend.
Prosper Utseya – Another one in the Hafeez/Mahmudullah camp, it is statistically more likely that your cat will solve JFK’s murder than it is for you to find someone with ill feelings towards Prosper. Bats a bit, bowls a bit and represents everything that’s good about the new Zimbabwe. Losing the captaincy to the overhyped Chigumbura dragged me further into his corner.
Thomas Odoyo – The experienced sausage in the XI, Odoyo, like Afridi, celebrated his 62nd birthday last month. Odoyo and his trundlers can not actually be remembered for any sort of notable performance yet whenever he is named in an opposing side you take cautionary note, such is his reputation. Oh, and he’s Kenyan and King Tikolo’s sidekick.
James Tomlinson – An unashamed Hampshire plug, Tommo makes the side partly for balance because I needed a full on bowler. However he sure can bat, once adding over 150 for the last wicket with Ervine. If you need a nightwatchman then Tommo is your man. His left arm swingers destroyed Somerset on a Taunton road and had me clamouring for an England call-up.